Dear Future Boyfriend
by esompthin
Summary: Just a domestic little drabble I did where Lafayette comes home and the squad goes shopping. Featuring Lams and a pining Herc.


"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Hercules shouted over and over, jumping on the bed. John groaned and buried his head closer to Alex's back, trying his best to block out the noise.

"Your son wants you." Alex muttered.

"Nah, he's your soon before noon." John replied, tightening his hold on Alex's waste.

"Guys! Laf's coming home today!" Herc stopped jumping so he could lay down on the bed with them. Alex sighed in happiness; thankful that the giant man wasn't shouting anymore. Herc didn't notice - or care - that the other two men were tired and a bit grumpy at their rude awakening. He was smiling excitedly like a child on christmas. He waved his hands as he spoke, "And today, I'm going to ask him out! I'm gonna do it!"

"You said that last time." John informed him from behind Alex. The immigrant could feel his boyfriend's lips on his skin and he wished that Herc would leave so that they could get back to snuggling. It wasn't that he didn't like Herc, or that he wasn't excited to see Laf, but it's six in the fucking morning.

Alex raised an eyebrow at Herc and added, "The time before that, too."

Herc shook his head, "No, I'm really going to do it this time! I swear it! I'm ready!"

John chuckled and said, "Whatever you say, Herc. I believe in you."

Herc gave them a shaky, nervous smile, "Thanks."

"Now get out of our room or you're going to see Alex's bruised, naked ass." John said pleasantly. He lightly slapped Alex's ass under the covers, making the smallest boy squirm.

"Alright, alright. Message received." Herc said, laughing a little. He climbed off the bed and said on his way out, "Laf'll be here in an hour, so take a shower, you gross homos."

Herc took his own advice and immediately got into his shower. He scrubbed every inch of himself with fancy, smelly body gel. He shampooed and conditioned twice, just in case, and he even pulled out his razor to fix up his patchy beard.

He spent far longer in the bathroom than he'd like to admit. But by the time he walked into his room, he felt clean and ready to tackle his next big issue: his clothes. What should he wear?

Normally, this isn't that big of a deal, but with Laf, it had to be perfect. He couldn't go all out and dress the full nine yards, because then that'd be suspicious and Laf would notice in the _wrong_ way. Herc can just imagine it now, Laf teasingly asking him who he's all dressed up for and Herc having no idea how to respond. It'd be horrible.

So it has to be casual. But the kind of casual that looks good on him. Thankfully, Herc knew just the outfit. He grabbed a short sleeve shirt that was just tight enough to show off his frame, but not so tight that someone would think he was about to go to a strip club. A smile spread across his face when he remembered the night that Lafayette had drunkenly told him that he adored his muscles. Herc spent a minute or two flexing in front of his mirror, seeing if the shirt really did work its magic on him. Hopefully Laf thought so. He pulled on some dark jeans that accented his butt well and hoped that it would be good enough.

Finally, Herc sprayed on some cologne that Laf had given him for Christmas, and walked out into the kitchen to make some coffee for the others. The process of making coffee was enough to distract his racing mind. He was equal parts nervous and excited for the day to start; he couldn't wait to see Lafayette, but he also didn't want anything bad to come out of his little announcement. What if this ruined their friendship? Laf wouldn't stop being his friend after this, he knew, but that didn't mean that things wouldn't be awkward around them. Every time Laf looked at him, he would _know_ that Herc was pining after him. Gone are the causal touches and the inside jokes. Because of Herc's feelings, they wouldn't be as close anymore. The thought terrified him.

"I told you he'd wear those pants." John said as he and Alex walked into the kitchen a moment later. Alex was rubbing his eyes, still tired, apparently. He made a noise of acknowledgement as he looked Herc up and down.

Alex shrugged, "'Course he did. They're his ' _fuck me'_ pants."

Herc's eyes widened, "Shit, they are. Do you think Laf'll notice? Should I change?"

"You look fine, don't worry." John shook his head, moving over to the coffee machine. He pulled out two cups and poured them both full. He handed a cup over to Alex, who was now sitting down at their bar. "He won't be able to keep his hands off you."

Alex took a sip of his coffee and then asked, "How do you feel?"

"Nervous. But, I'm ready." Herc gave them a thumbs up. "I can do this."

"You can do this." John agreed.

There doorbell rang, and all three men glanced at each other. Alex raised an eyebrow, "Well? Are you going to open the door for your future boyfriend or not?"

Herc blushed and fiddled with his shirt, pushing past the other two to go to the door. He took a deep breath, holding onto the doorknob for a second. _I can do this_ , he reminded himself. He opened the door and was immediately greeted to the most gorgeous man in existence.

Laf took off his sunglasses and smiled so brightly that Herc thought maybe _he_ needed to borrow those glasses for a second. Before Herc could even say 'hi', the Frenchman was stepping forward and pressing a kiss to his cheeks.

"Bonjour, mon amour!" Laf greeted. "It has been far too long! I'm glad to be back in America, you've kept my room the same, no?"

"Yeah, I- it's, um…" Herc fumbled, thrown off his balance by the other man's excitement. "Same as always."

"Parfait." Laf set down his bags and then looked around, "Where are my boys?"

On cue, Alex and John started sprinting from their hiding spot in the kitchen. "LAF!"  
Lafayette laughed, pulling both of them into a hug and greeting them with cheek kisses. Herc smiled, closing the door, and taking a steadying breath. This part was all normal; this always happens. No reason to freak out yet, Herc, keep your cool.

"So, I was thinking we could start off by going shopping?" Laf shot them a knowing look, "I'm sure none of you have been eating correctly."

Alex coughed into his fist, looking away. John scratched the back of his neck and Hercules shifted uncomfortably. Laf tutted, moving past them to head into the kitchen. The three men followed behind, glancing at each other.

"Let's see…" Lafayette said as he opened the fridge to find it almost completely empty. "Is there any food at all in this house?"

"We have coffee." Alex said, shrugging.

Laf sighed at them, thoroughly unimpressed. John shifted his weight, wrapping his arms around himself, "Groceries are expensive, Laf."  
"Which is why I'm here." Laf smiled kindly. He pulled out his checkbook from his jacket pocket and plucked a pen from off the counter. "Now, boys, what do we need?"

"No, Laf, we're not going to take money from you." Alex shook his head. He always put up a fight at this part. Something in his nature refused to just flat-out accept money. "If you really want to, you can buy groceries or dinner or whatever, but we're not-"

"Alex can't pay his phone bill." Herc interrupted. Laf started writing a check.

"Herc!" Alex huffed. "I'm not taking that!"

Laf ripped out the check and handed it to Hercules, "Take care of this for me, amour?"

Herc smiled stupidly as he took the check,"Yeah, course."

Laf turned expectantly to John. The southern man shifted on his feet, "Well, I still haven't fixed my car? And I don't want to ask my dad for the money. I'll pay you back, obviously, but right now I-"

"Say no more." Laf scribbled out a check and handed it to John. "Would you like me to visit your father? I'm sure I can find a way to convince him to leave you alone."

John laughed a little and shook his head, "No, no, it's fine. Thank you, though."

Lafayette was the wealthiest person Herc had ever met. The man was a distinguished member of the French elite; descended from survivors of the French Revolution. Although his family holds no official political power, they still have a certain _influence_ among world leaders. Herc has no idea how this man, who by all means should never have met them, was one of their best friends. He took time out of his busy and lavish life to live with them and be their friend; it was astounding. And Laf wasn't like how you'd expect wealthy people to be. He didn't think of them as lesser and he wasn't unlike any other twenty-something man in New York. He got drunk with them and played video games and ate shitty take out. He didn't seem to care that he's dined with the English royal family or has traveled to more countries than Herc can count. He was just Lafayette. That's all there was to it.

He turned to Herc and said, "And for you? What do you need?"

Herc shook his head, "Oh, no. I don't need anything."

"Nonsense, you must want something." Laf said. From behind his shoulder, Herc could see Alex and John making lewd gestures and kissy faces. _I want you!_ Herc's mind screamed. His cheeks darkened at the thought.

He waved his hands dismissively and said, "No, really. I'm just glad you're home."

Laf paused for a moment, watching him. Then he wrote out a check and handed it to Herc, "For my half of the rent."

Herc took it, but chewed on his bottom lip. Laf had already paid his half of the rent for the next three months. This was obviously his way of giving Herc money that he thought the man was too shy to ask for. He didn't argue, but he also wasn't planning on cashing the check any time soon. "Thanks."

"Now, to the store?" Laf said, turning to look at John and Alex, who quickly dropped their hands and smiled innocently.

John and Alex sat in the back of the car, winking at Herc as they forced him to sit in front with Laf. Herc offered to drive, because that'd keep his mind busy, but Laf refused. "I never get to drive anymore; my family always makes me take a chauffeur. I want to drive, don't worry."

So Herc sat in the passenger's seat and tried his damndest to not stare at Laf. John and Alex were chatting quietly in the back, Herc didn't know what they were saying, since they decided to speak Spanish today. He hated being the only monolingual in their friend group, but all his attempts to learn French or Spanish have failed so far. He knows only the barest of minimums in each language. A high school Spanish one student would know more than him.

"Luces guapo hoy." John said to Alex, brushing back a loose strand of hair.

Alex laughed and grabbed his hand, smiling, "Basta; eres más guapo que yo."

John shook his head, still smiling, "Eres más tierno que Bambi, una adorable cervatillo."

This time, Alex's laugh was loud and free, he shook his head and leaned as close to John as the seats would allow. Yeah, Herc got none of that.

"You seem quiet today." Laf said to Herc, keeping his eyes on the road. His eyebrows were raised in concern as he spoke, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" Herc hesitated, "I got a lot on my mind."

"Nothing bad, I hope?" Laf asked.

Herc looked at Laf's hesitant, worried smile and felt his anxieties rise. He was such a beautiful man, there's no way he'd go out with some poor tailor from New York. He sighed softly, "Yeah, me too."

Arriving at the grocery store did little to ease Herc's mind. He watched as John and Alex raced to grab a shopping cart first. Laf chuckled and bumped against him, nodding to the two men, "Nothing changes around here, huh?"

"Naw, they'll be like that when they're old and grey." Herc grinned. It appears as though John had won the race. Alex was ranting about his longer legs and having an unfair advantage. Lafayette grabbed his own cart and strolled past the bickering couple.

Shopping is … a nightmare, to say the least. John spends twenty minutes inspecting each and every fruit and vegetable before he deems them worthy. Alex throws the randomest of crap into the cart with little regard for if he actually wants to eat it. Herc is the only one with some _sense_ in the group to grab some milk. Laf takes it all in stride, though, encouraging them to grab anything that catches their eye. He doesn't mind that the cart is getting heavy, all that matters is that his boys have enough to eat. Hopefully, since he'll be spending a few months in america, with them, they won't have this situation again.

Herc didn't pay much attention to the music playing over the speakers, until Alex started singing along to them. The immigrant turned to John, grabbing his hand and sang flirtatiously, "Dear future husband, here's a few things, you'll need to know if you wanna be, my one and only all my life!"

John blushed and snickered, joining in with his boyfriend as the two danced and sang up and down the aisle. "Take me on a date. I deserve a break. And don't forget the flowers every anniversary!"

Alex stuck out his tongue, laughing when John poked it, "'Cause if you'll treat me right, I'll be the perfect wife!"

Herc glanced at Laf, his heart pounding in his chest. The other man was humming along to the song as well. Herc hesitantly reached out for the Frenchman's hand, but pulled away when Laf turned to look at him.

"Buying groceries, buy-buying what you need."

The two stared at each other for a long moment and Herc thought that the world was going to implode right then. He tried to think of something to say, anything, but all he could do was get lost in Lafayette's eyes.

The Frenchman looked away when Alex ran up to them, bouncing on his feet a little. Herc closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This man will be the death of him. Who gave him the right to be so damn cute?

"Can we get this?" Alex asked, holding up a stuffed bear that was half the size of himself.

Laf shrugged, "Why not?"

"No, Laf." Herc said, "Alex, you don't need a stuffed animal. That thing has to be thirty bucks on it's own."

"But Laf said I could!" Alex whined, holding the bear close to his chest. John was grinning like an idiot and Herc could practically _see_ the hearts in his eyes. He had to admit, Alex did look pretty cute, peeking over the top of the bear's head with wide eyes and a pout.

Herc turned to Lafayette, who was watching them with a fond smile on his face. The Frenchman waved his hand, "It's your call, I'm just the bank account."

"Where's that gonna stay?" John asked.

"In bed, with me." Alex replied.

"But that's my spot!"

Alex stuck out his tongue and said, "Not anymore. I'm replacing you with Mr. Stuffles."

"That's a disgusting name." John laughed, too amused to even pretend to be offended.

"Alright, you can keep it." Herc caved. "But you have to carry that, it's not going in the cart."

"Yay!" Alex cheered, squeezing the bear in excitement.

John turned to Lafayette, "Wait, I want one! If Alex gets something, so do I, right?"

"That sounds fair." Laf smiled.

"Help me pick!" John grabbed Alex's hand and ran off to the toys section.

Herc took a deep breath, "I live with children."

Laf smiled pushing the cart down the aisle a little bit more. He glanced at Herc and said, "Oh, but monsieur, we both know you wouldn't change anything about your situation."

Herc took a deep breath, they were alone now. He could do it. He stepped up, stopping Laf with a hand to his forearm, "Actually, uh, there is one thing - one thing I'd like to, um, change."

Laf raised an eyebrow, "What would that be?"

Herc fought to keep his blush down as he started mumbling, "So, uh, I wanted to tell you, and just hear me out before you say anything. But, I wanted to, um, let you know that I-"

"Oh, I forgot to say!" Laf interrupted, his eyes wide, "I will only be here for a week, and then I'll be headed out to Quebec."

"Quebec?" Herc repeated, his heart sinking.

"Oui, for two weeks. Adrinette has family there, and she asked me to join her." Laf smiled softly.

"Adrinette … your ex?" Herc's mind was full of static. This couldn't be happening. He was _so close_.

Laf nodded, leaning forward to share a secret, "I think she wants to get back together."  
Herc swallowed hard, chewing on his lip. "And … would you? If she asked?"

Lafayette thought for a moment, staring at Herc with a strange expression. Finally, the Frenchman said, "I'm not sure. I suppose, if she's my only option, she's a good one."

That was as good of a yes as any. Herc looked down at his feet, clearing his throat softly. "I see."

"So if you want to do anything fun while I'm here, we have a week." Lafayette said casually. "I'll be back after two weeks, though. Until July, when I have to travel to England for a peace meeting for the UN." Laf trails off, waving his hand, "Anyway. You were saying?"

The realization hit him that Lafayette would never want him. No matter how nice his butt looked or how long they've been friends; Herc could never compete with the people Lafayette was used to. Adrinette would always be above him, no matter what. It was pointless to try. Herc shook his head, he shouldn't get in the way of her and Laf. It was better this way.

"Nothing, it was nothing."

Laf frowned a little, but didn't push. "Okay... Where did the other two go?"

Herc followed Lafayette around wordlessly like the kicked puppy that he is. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe he'll try again next time.


End file.
